Saturday, February 6, 2010
♥ Love
What does being in love feels like? No, really. How does it feels like?
Am I suppose to be all vulnerable and afraid cause if he leave me, my heart will be torn apart? Or should he be the one who's afraid I'll break his heart?
I can't remember the last time I felt scared yet happy. The last time when everytime I look at my then partner's face and thought to myself, "Oh please, don't let him wake up one day and realize how imperfect I am." And of course, I can't remember the last time I cried so hard because my heart was so cruelly hurt. How much it had ache that i thought it broke and will never work properly again.
Or maybe it has. My heart never learnt to love again. To love at it's purest. To love like I've never been hurt before. Yes, to love like I've never been hurt before.
My love is tainted by my subconcious coward self, to find a love that loves me more than I do. Could this be my faulty heart's cruel way of protecting itself?
Is it why i chose to run and hide when the most subtle hint of risk appears? Is that why my mind chose to tell me, "He'll never love you." and I'll believe it? Is that why I chose to turn the other way and bear with the sharp stab in my cruel heart?
And is that the real reason why... I was never happy?
I want to feel love again.
Am I suppose to be all vulnerable and afraid cause if he leave me, my heart will be torn apart? Or should he be the one who's afraid I'll break his heart?
I can't remember the last time I felt scared yet happy. The last time when everytime I look at my then partner's face and thought to myself, "Oh please, don't let him wake up one day and realize how imperfect I am." And of course, I can't remember the last time I cried so hard because my heart was so cruelly hurt. How much it had ache that i thought it broke and will never work properly again.
Or maybe it has. My heart never learnt to love again. To love at it's purest. To love like I've never been hurt before. Yes, to love like I've never been hurt before.
My love is tainted by my subconcious coward self, to find a love that loves me more than I do. Could this be my faulty heart's cruel way of protecting itself?
Is it why i chose to run and hide when the most subtle hint of risk appears? Is that why my mind chose to tell me, "He'll never love you." and I'll believe it? Is that why I chose to turn the other way and bear with the sharp stab in my cruel heart?
And is that the real reason why... I was never happy?
I want to feel love again.
Labels: Emo-ish Crap
