Friday, August 20, 2010
♥ I hate KIDS.
Disclaimer: If you adore kids and simply could not apprehend nor accept that others view them as mini demons from hell, please do not read on cause its highly possible you'll be offended and potentially burst an artery or something.
I was happily eating my lunch at home the other day when my mum sashay in and asked me how many kids I plan to have.
I almost choked to death.
After 5 minutes of coughing and hand signaling my mum to call the ambulance, I turned around and stared at her in horror. "Kids? K-I-D-S? The short form for demons and everything worse?!" As expected from my mum, she rolled her eyes and says I'm over reacting and when I have my own kids (oh the horror), I will have a totally different perspective.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
Look, when I see a kid, I have this sudden urge to strangle them or just tape their mouth shut. If I had a kid, my motherhood wouldn't last more than 10 minutes. Oh wait, maybe it'll last a bit longer.
Cause I'm okay with babies or toddlers who can't really talk, you know less than 1 year old types? Yeah, THAT I can handle. At least they only cry when they want food, or they pee or they crap. Anything older, they throw tantrums, they whine, they pms worse than myself.
I remember going shopping with my friend and there's this boy who's whining and stomping his foot and basically being a terror just so his parents will give in and buy him toys. I looked at him in disgust and was halfway through imagining the thousand of ways I'm gonna kick his ass if I'm the mum when my friend went, "Ohhhh look at how cute that kid is!".
What?! ARE YOU BLIND?!
This miserable mucus filled brat is SCREAMING his head off and is doing such a lousy job at pretending to cry he makes my dog look like an Oscar winner, and you think ITS CUTE?!
"My ears are bleeding and I feel like stabbing that kid and you tell me its cute?"
"Oh come on. Just look at him."
"I AM looking at him. And all I see is a nightmare."
"Its not that bad what. Look at those big eyes.. cute!!"
"All kids have big eyes."
".. what about those chubby cheeks!"
"That's just because he's fat."
She gave me a wtf face and continue gushing about how cute that monster is. Come to think of it, the mum was still being all nice and gentle saying "Boy, good boy. Come stand up. Come good boy, mummy buy you your favorite meat pie ok?" while the monster completely ignored her.
What the hell is this?!
HIT THE GOD DAMN KID LAH. Buy meat pie some more, my mum would have turned me into meat pie if I'm like that loh. Seriously cannot tahan. You know whats worse?
If you want to be a pain in the ass, fine. You want to whine and drool all over, fine. At least make sure you look cute right? Some kids honestly have a face that's... ... just not cute lah. Than still whine and throw shoe throw tantrum throw food all over. Bloody hell, make me feel like throwing them into the lion's den loh.
Oh and the funny thing is that, when I let others know of myhatred extreme dislike of kids, they always go "But you're once a kid yourself what." Like HELLO? That is a totally irrelevant argument loh.
Just because you used to be something, doesn't mean you have to like that thing what. So if you're once a gangster, are you supposed to love and adore every single gangster in the world? Or if you are once a drug addict, are you supposed to like every single drug addict in the world?
NO RIGHT? Than why just because I used to be a kid, I must like every kid in world? Make no sense to me.
P.S Content of this post is written in good fun. I don't really wish death on themonsters innocent wtfican'tdothisDIEYOUDAMMIT kids. I just wish they would shut up and sit still or just not appear infront of me all together. Peace. :)
P.S.S When I refer to "others" I'm not referring to anyone in specific hor. Just that ALOT of people give me this argument... so yeah.
I was happily eating my lunch at home the other day when my mum sashay in and asked me how many kids I plan to have.
I almost choked to death.
After 5 minutes of coughing and hand signaling my mum to call the ambulance, I turned around and stared at her in horror. "Kids? K-I-D-S? The short form for demons and everything worse?!" As expected from my mum, she rolled her eyes and says I'm over reacting and when I have my own kids (oh the horror), I will have a totally different perspective.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
Look, when I see a kid, I have this sudden urge to strangle them or just tape their mouth shut. If I had a kid, my motherhood wouldn't last more than 10 minutes. Oh wait, maybe it'll last a bit longer.
Cause I'm okay with babies or toddlers who can't really talk, you know less than 1 year old types? Yeah, THAT I can handle. At least they only cry when they want food, or they pee or they crap. Anything older, they throw tantrums, they whine, they pms worse than myself.
I remember going shopping with my friend and there's this boy who's whining and stomping his foot and basically being a terror just so his parents will give in and buy him toys. I looked at him in disgust and was halfway through imagining the thousand of ways I'm gonna kick his ass if I'm the mum when my friend went, "Ohhhh look at how cute that kid is!".
What?! ARE YOU BLIND?!
This miserable mucus filled brat is SCREAMING his head off and is doing such a lousy job at pretending to cry he makes my dog look like an Oscar winner, and you think ITS CUTE?!
"My ears are bleeding and I feel like stabbing that kid and you tell me its cute?"
"Oh come on. Just look at him."
"I AM looking at him. And all I see is a nightmare."
"Its not that bad what. Look at those big eyes.. cute!!"
"All kids have big eyes."
".. what about those chubby cheeks!"
"That's just because he's fat."
She gave me a wtf face and continue gushing about how cute that monster is. Come to think of it, the mum was still being all nice and gentle saying "Boy, good boy. Come stand up. Come good boy, mummy buy you your favorite meat pie ok?" while the monster completely ignored her.
What the hell is this?!
HIT THE GOD DAMN KID LAH. Buy meat pie some more, my mum would have turned me into meat pie if I'm like that loh. Seriously cannot tahan. You know whats worse?
If you want to be a pain in the ass, fine. You want to whine and drool all over, fine. At least make sure you look cute right? Some kids honestly have a face that's... ... just not cute lah. Than still whine and throw shoe throw tantrum throw food all over. Bloody hell, make me feel like throwing them into the lion's den loh.
Oh and the funny thing is that, when I let others know of my
Just because you used to be something, doesn't mean you have to like that thing what. So if you're once a gangster, are you supposed to love and adore every single gangster in the world? Or if you are once a drug addict, are you supposed to like every single drug addict in the world?
NO RIGHT? Than why just because I used to be a kid, I must like every kid in world? Make no sense to me.
P.S Content of this post is written in good fun. I don't really wish death on the
P.S.S When I refer to "others" I'm not referring to anyone in specific hor. Just that ALOT of people give me this argument... so yeah.
