Friday, November 26, 2010
♥ So many things I want to do.
On a totally random note, I'm in a totally random mood. Ok lah, actually I'm bored cause I just reformatted my desktop and god knows how many zillion things I have to reinstall and download (which takes ages by the way). I really hate viruses (mental note to self: stop surfing porn). No lah, I don't surf porn. I only watches Barney and kids central. Ehem.
T________T no really. I don't.
.. stop judging me. fml.
Anyway, I realize there's a lot of things I want to do which I hadn't got around to doing! This is unacceptable.
I want to..
1) Visit Universal Studio
But the ticket price scared me off. T___T SIGHS. But I really do want to go. How unfair that the cousin got to go for free cause her friend had an event there and he invited her along! I ALSO WANT.
2) Visit Science Center
Cause I simply think it's a cool place. HAHAHA though I always dreaded the journey there when I was in secondary school cause the school bus takes years to reach the science center but of course it's PLAY TIME WHEN WE DO! OH OH! I want to watch a movie at the omni theatre with their huge HUGE arse screen where you literally get dizzy when the camera turns cause its just THAT HUGE.
Ok I don't make sense. Pardon me, it's almost 4am now.
3) Visit the Zoo
The last time I've been there was 2 years ago? Wait, when I say been there, I really meant to the KFC located at the entrance of the zoo. No, I didn't get to see any animals unless you count the statues there or the fried chicken I was munching on.
As for the last time I actually entered the zoo, prolly when I was 12.
4) Visit the Night Safari
I've only been there once. I didn't see a thing. I WANT TO GO!!
5) Erm.. go Sentosa >.<
But not to sun tan, oh no the horror. Me and sun tanning do NOT go well together. -____-"
I'm thinking of underwater world, sentosa 4D magic, the merlion, animal and birds encounter, insect kingdom (ok sounds a little creepy but i'm going to think butterflies and erm.. erm.. shit I cant think of anything that is remotely less creepy), the water and light fountain thingy show and so on. The last time I tried something like this was with my secondary school classmates and erm.. let's just say its not that pleasant.
6) watch a musical / theatrial production like walking with dinosaurs
I have never tried it before though I've always wondered how its like. And come on, look at that picture. HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT?! There's so many shows I was interested in like BREAKOUT featuring Bboy dance and choreography, the attack of the dim sum dollies or perhaps shows with Hossan Leong. ): I want to watch leh. But I see the ticket prices... SIGHS.
Moving on.
7) watch a stand up comedy
I just find it cool. Hahahahaha! Perhaps a session listening to kumar and having a laugh? That sounds like fun. Except.. I don't know where he performs. PFFT.
Ok fine, I now understand why I didn't get around to it. I'm just too poor and stingy. PFFFT. BYE.
T________T no really. I don't.
.. stop judging me. fml.
Anyway, I realize there's a lot of things I want to do which I hadn't got around to doing! This is unacceptable.
I want to..
1) Visit Universal Studio
But the ticket price scared me off. T___T SIGHS. But I really do want to go. How unfair that the cousin got to go for free cause her friend had an event there and he invited her along! I ALSO WANT.
2) Visit Science Center
Cause I simply think it's a cool place. HAHAHA though I always dreaded the journey there when I was in secondary school cause the school bus takes years to reach the science center but of course it's PLAY TIME WHEN WE DO! OH OH! I want to watch a movie at the omni theatre with their huge HUGE arse screen where you literally get dizzy when the camera turns cause its just THAT HUGE.
Ok I don't make sense. Pardon me, it's almost 4am now.
3) Visit the Zoo
The last time I've been there was 2 years ago? Wait, when I say been there, I really meant to the KFC located at the entrance of the zoo. No, I didn't get to see any animals unless you count the statues there or the fried chicken I was munching on.
As for the last time I actually entered the zoo, prolly when I was 12.
4) Visit the Night Safari
I've only been there once. I didn't see a thing. I WANT TO GO!!
5) Erm.. go Sentosa >.<
But not to sun tan, oh no the horror. Me and sun tanning do NOT go well together. -____-"
I'm thinking of underwater world, sentosa 4D magic, the merlion, animal and birds encounter, insect kingdom (ok sounds a little creepy but i'm going to think butterflies and erm.. erm.. shit I cant think of anything that is remotely less creepy), the water and light fountain thingy show and so on. The last time I tried something like this was with my secondary school classmates and erm.. let's just say its not that pleasant.
6) watch a musical / theatrial production like walking with dinosaurs
I have never tried it before though I've always wondered how its like. And come on, look at that picture. HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT?! There's so many shows I was interested in like BREAKOUT featuring Bboy dance and choreography, the attack of the dim sum dollies or perhaps shows with Hossan Leong. ): I want to watch leh. But I see the ticket prices... SIGHS.
Moving on.
7) watch a stand up comedy
I just find it cool. Hahahahaha! Perhaps a session listening to kumar and having a laugh? That sounds like fun. Except.. I don't know where he performs. PFFT.
Ok fine, I now understand why I didn't get around to it. I'm just too poor and stingy. PFFFT. BYE.
Labels: Everyday ramblings
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
♥ doomsday.
My exam results is coming out next Thursday.
T________T
I'm scared.
Labels: Everyday ramblings
♥ Meh. Ignore my whines. Happy post soon.
I'm feeling a little bothered, insecure. I'm not gonna lie, I don't like this feeling. At all. I can't help thinking about what you said. It stung rather badly knowing it was a test. To prove what I wonder. What's the point of it? Did it really meant nothing?
I wonder why you would tell me so easily. Cause now whenever you say something nice, I can't help wondering if it's really what you feel or it's just because you're baiting me. That's why sometimes my response was silence. Is that nice sensitive company a lie?
Sometimes I feel like such a fool.I didn't want to doubt and question but there are times when I felt like you want me to. Why do you say things knowing I'll get hurt? If you truly did care for someone, wont you NOT want to hurt her? Why is it you can't even give me a simple promise not to bolt? It's almost like you making a wedding vow and saying I can't promise I won't cheat but I'll try.
I said I can go through anything as long as there security. But there's really none. Everytime I got something tiny that I could feel better with, you took it away. Why is it that you don't mention about your past with your ex and isn't pessimistic but you can't be that way with me? Why do you love them so much and be there for them but it feels like you'll go anytime?
So many questions in my head. I wish you won't mention about your ex cause I'm already insecure. I wish you'll promise to stay and commit. Try isn't good enough. I wish you won't hurt me with words. That's cruel. I wish you meant everything you said when you say something nice. I wish you're afraid of losing me. I wish to be your last relationship. I wish that I won't be disappointed. I wish that you won't give up so easily. I wish you have more faith in us.
.. I wish you'll love me.
Haha to the rest of you, don't ask me what happen. Just something random. My mind isn't cooperating and refuse to stop thinking abt weird stuff. Need somewhere to vent, afterall I have feelings too. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I am. Screw mood swings. This year really isn't a good year for me. Oh well.
I wonder why you would tell me so easily. Cause now whenever you say something nice, I can't help wondering if it's really what you feel or it's just because you're baiting me. That's why sometimes my response was silence. Is that nice sensitive company a lie?
Sometimes I feel like such a fool.I didn't want to doubt and question but there are times when I felt like you want me to. Why do you say things knowing I'll get hurt? If you truly did care for someone, wont you NOT want to hurt her? Why is it you can't even give me a simple promise not to bolt? It's almost like you making a wedding vow and saying I can't promise I won't cheat but I'll try.
I said I can go through anything as long as there security. But there's really none. Everytime I got something tiny that I could feel better with, you took it away. Why is it that you don't mention about your past with your ex and isn't pessimistic but you can't be that way with me? Why do you love them so much and be there for them but it feels like you'll go anytime?
So many questions in my head. I wish you won't mention about your ex cause I'm already insecure. I wish you'll promise to stay and commit. Try isn't good enough. I wish you won't hurt me with words. That's cruel. I wish you meant everything you said when you say something nice. I wish you're afraid of losing me. I wish to be your last relationship. I wish that I won't be disappointed. I wish that you won't give up so easily. I wish you have more faith in us.
.. I wish you'll love me.
Haha to the rest of you, don't ask me what happen. Just something random. My mind isn't cooperating and refuse to stop thinking abt weird stuff. Need somewhere to vent, afterall I have feelings too. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I am. Screw mood swings. This year really isn't a good year for me. Oh well.
Labels: Emo-ish Crap
Friday, November 19, 2010
♥ Lazy friday.
Sleepy in my pajamas.
and I miss my thai friend already. ):
and I miss my thai friend already. ):
Labels: Photo at the moment
Thursday, November 18, 2010
♥ knowing myself.
Come to think of it, I think I'm actually quite contented with how things are in my life. Though there are times I feel that I'm emotionally swayed towards certain people, but somehow I feel that I'm starting to get my independence back and simply being okay. Say YAY! to the good old carefree ME!
So yeah, I'm going to be happy, speak my mind and basically be true to myself. I'm not hurting anymore, its just simply comfortable with myself. Accepting. I'm come to realize that if anyone wants you to be part of their life, than they should try harder. If they don't, than I guess they are just not meant to be. After all, I'm someone worth fighting for. (:
Had a blast these few days. Wanted to get my phone exchanged on Tuesday but was told to come back on Thursday instead as all the phones were out of stock and ended up spending the day roaming around far east with an ex. It didn't feel weird though, instead it honestly kind of feels like good old friends catching up somehow which is actually pretty pleasant.
Both of us were drowsy like hell and it didn't help that it rained non stop yet somehow we ended up having dinner with my parents before they send him back. I know. A little weird but its really because we used to be together for quite some time and they kind of treat him like a son. Actually, yeah my parents are usually just very nice to my boyfriends (ex or not).
The hours flew by and I had to get my arse out of the house early in the morning (and by early i meant 11.30am) to meet up with a bunch of awesome people for a session of mahjong. Was rather nervous at first but soon realize its all for nothing. Everyone was friendly and we were crapping and laughing in non time. Pretty awesome.
T____T And tomorrow I have to get my arse to town to exchange my phone. IM SO TIRED!!!
How the heck do people go out everyday?! God, its so exhausting! I. am. starting. to. want. to. go. back. to. being. a. loner. wtf.
Labels: Everyday ramblings
Sunday, November 14, 2010
♥ Food for thought.
Not sure what got into me, could be the holiday, or maybe just loneliness that I've decided to try meeting new people and of course, catch up with those already in my life. I'm more of stay at home kind of person and I recharge by having my alone time. Going out sometimes seems like a hassle to me and not to forget, tiring.
Guess that why I'm abit of a erm.. loner. T____T
So much so that my mum actually got worried. She seriously think I have no friends. fml. So anyway, yeah having so much activities in a week is definitely new to me and the old me would have refused the invitations in horror but I'm going to give it a try. You know, come out of my shell a little bit.
Geesh, I sound like I live in a cave. On a totally random note, I find myself silly happy this few days. Motivated and just generally in a good mood. I tried playing my guitar and my fingers hurts like a bitch right now by the way. Oh and I refuse to cut my nails because I simply adore my nails so you can imagine the erm.. noise (yeah I wont even call it music -_-) I made every time I'm with the guitar.
However.
My mood always goes downhill whenever I listen to "White Lies" written by Jennifer Chung. Somehow, the lyrics struck home and it fits what I was feeling about someone in so many ways.
I started thinking about yesterday,
And all the plans that we had made
Wanted so bad to talk to you
But I knew what I had to do.
I put down the phone and let it go
'Cause I knew that my voice would reveal my soul.
I tossed & turned 'till I fell asleep
Hoping you would meet me in my dreams.
You bruised my heart
Nothing's broken it's just done
of having careless complications,
teaching itself to become numb
It's afraid to feel
'Cause what it once thought was real
Was a false note prettied with designs.
They were all just white lies.
What came so fast left as easily
Though we tried to work things carefully.
Intentions were good we had our fun
but for the best said that we were done
No one even knew what we were up to
But how could they understand what was me and you?
When I don't even know for sure myself.
This song is my cry for help.
You bruised my heart
Nothing's broken it's just done
of having careless complications,
teaching itself to become numb
It's afraid to feel
'Cause what it once thought was real
Was a false note prettied with designs.
They were all just white lies.
I was never yours,
You were never mine.
When we met it wasn't right.
The stars never aligned.
It was time for you to go.
It was the middle of May
We both knew it was coming,
You were never meant to stay.
I felt that what we had was special and it was a pity to let it go. How sad and true that what came so fast left as easily. Than again, things happen. I'll live. I'll be fine. Everything's.. okay. My heart needs just a little more time for the bruises to fade away. That's all. (: Till then.
Labels: Emo-ish Crap, Photo at the moment
Friday, November 12, 2010
♥ SWEET NAILS.
I can have awesome nails.
SO PRETTY RIGHT!!
Now I can't stop staring at them. <3
Labels: Photo at the moment
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
♥ I was a fool.
You simply didn't love me enough to work things through. Have a good life then.
You see, feelings of the heart is a strange thing.
We are two different people, yet perhaps fate got bored and decided to play a fool on me so it brought you into my life. I hadn't been blogging though my exams are over because to be honest, I was confused. I don't really know how to put how I felt into words.
We met and there were rainbow and butterflies though we both had our reserves. I was intrigued and curious by your mysteriousness and for the first time in many years, I felt that quicken pace of my heartbeat, that breathlessness, that shyness. At first, we both had our doubts about each other. We played the suspecting game. I'm always asking myself, "Are you a player?" while you did the same. Yet it seems that no matter how I guarded my heart against you, I felt myself falling.
I didn't mean to, but I guess as cliche as it might be. You did stole my heart.
One faithful night, it could be the dim lights or the sleepiness in my eyes, I decided to let go of my reserve and told you secrets I've held so close to me. You did the same and I felt like we've taken a step towards something. A future perhaps? Oh, how laughable it sounds now.
Since then, I let myself trust you. Wholeheartedly. Though for some reason, there was a tiny nagging voice, hidden in the back of my mind telling me something just didn't feel right. My friends call it insecurity. I told it to shut up. You see, from experience, every time i truly open up my heart, something always happen.
And true enough, something did happen. That day I spent it at your house, I thought things were going fine. You did somethings which I didn't approve of but it was still fine. I was happy cause I was with you. I really did thought, we had a shot at something. Yet like a cruel joke, on your way home when I told you about what you did that scared me, you decided to bolt.
"Maybe we should keep a distance?"
That was the day you asked about being together. I tried not to panic and asked you to explain. I thought perhaps it was just a wrong choice of words. Perhaps you didn't mean to and everything is going to be okay again. Except you didn't.
In fact, it felt like you were avoiding the question. Yes, I was upset but it felt like you didn't care. As the minutes goes on, my heart begin to hurt. A dull numbing throb at first and than a full blown burn in the end. I went to the forum and you were there, talking. I really had to laugh at myself. What a fool.
Yet, my humiliation didn't end. I thought naively maybe I was over reacting and dropped you a sweet message asking if you would like to chat. It felt like I was practically begging you for attention. How pathetic. Half an hour went by and then an hour. I cried myself to bed that night.
The next day felt like it'll never end. Friends came over and tried to cheer me up but they all could tell I was really upset. Halfway through I had to bolt to the bathroom because I just can't hold it back. I made an excuse that I need to bathe and cried like hell in the shower. There wasn't nothing from you that day.
As I think about it now, I wonder. Was it all a lie right from the start? Your speech of seriousness, your doubts, your everything. Is it all a facade? Was it fun for you? How do you just get on with life like that? My friends said you were a player and you never were serious. I told myself that weren't what it is but its starting to look like it isn't it?
After all it is such a coincidence that the day i refused, you asked to keep a distance? And by distance, I realize it meant pretending like nothing ever happen. You were such a cruel person.
You said you are not that naive anymore. Well, congratulations. You've become the very type of lover you detest. Or was it a lie as well? And yes, I am naive. Too quick to believe in you, too keen to believe in your good, too willing to overlook the warning signs, too foolish to let my heart be moved.
Did I really made it that easy to walk right in and out of my life? I guess I really was a fool right from the start and you had been laughing at me all along.
We are two different people, yet perhaps fate got bored and decided to play a fool on me so it brought you into my life. I hadn't been blogging though my exams are over because to be honest, I was confused. I don't really know how to put how I felt into words.
We met and there were rainbow and butterflies though we both had our reserves. I was intrigued and curious by your mysteriousness and for the first time in many years, I felt that quicken pace of my heartbeat, that breathlessness, that shyness. At first, we both had our doubts about each other. We played the suspecting game. I'm always asking myself, "Are you a player?" while you did the same. Yet it seems that no matter how I guarded my heart against you, I felt myself falling.
I didn't mean to, but I guess as cliche as it might be. You did stole my heart.
One faithful night, it could be the dim lights or the sleepiness in my eyes, I decided to let go of my reserve and told you secrets I've held so close to me. You did the same and I felt like we've taken a step towards something. A future perhaps? Oh, how laughable it sounds now.
Since then, I let myself trust you. Wholeheartedly. Though for some reason, there was a tiny nagging voice, hidden in the back of my mind telling me something just didn't feel right. My friends call it insecurity. I told it to shut up. You see, from experience, every time i truly open up my heart, something always happen.
And true enough, something did happen. That day I spent it at your house, I thought things were going fine. You did somethings which I didn't approve of but it was still fine. I was happy cause I was with you. I really did thought, we had a shot at something. Yet like a cruel joke, on your way home when I told you about what you did that scared me, you decided to bolt.
"Maybe we should keep a distance?"
That was the day you asked about being together. I tried not to panic and asked you to explain. I thought perhaps it was just a wrong choice of words. Perhaps you didn't mean to and everything is going to be okay again. Except you didn't.
In fact, it felt like you were avoiding the question. Yes, I was upset but it felt like you didn't care. As the minutes goes on, my heart begin to hurt. A dull numbing throb at first and than a full blown burn in the end. I went to the forum and you were there, talking. I really had to laugh at myself. What a fool.
Yet, my humiliation didn't end. I thought naively maybe I was over reacting and dropped you a sweet message asking if you would like to chat. It felt like I was practically begging you for attention. How pathetic. Half an hour went by and then an hour. I cried myself to bed that night.
The next day felt like it'll never end. Friends came over and tried to cheer me up but they all could tell I was really upset. Halfway through I had to bolt to the bathroom because I just can't hold it back. I made an excuse that I need to bathe and cried like hell in the shower. There wasn't nothing from you that day.
As I think about it now, I wonder. Was it all a lie right from the start? Your speech of seriousness, your doubts, your everything. Is it all a facade? Was it fun for you? How do you just get on with life like that? My friends said you were a player and you never were serious. I told myself that weren't what it is but its starting to look like it isn't it?
After all it is such a coincidence that the day i refused, you asked to keep a distance? And by distance, I realize it meant pretending like nothing ever happen. You were such a cruel person.
You said you are not that naive anymore. Well, congratulations. You've become the very type of lover you detest. Or was it a lie as well? And yes, I am naive. Too quick to believe in you, too keen to believe in your good, too willing to overlook the warning signs, too foolish to let my heart be moved.
Did I really made it that easy to walk right in and out of my life? I guess I really was a fool right from the start and you had been laughing at me all along.
Labels: Emo-ish Crap
Monday, November 8, 2010
♥ Sorry for the lack of updates
heh, sorry.
I was caught up in some stuff. Will update very soon! :D
I was caught up in some stuff. Will update very soon! :D
Labels: Everyday ramblings
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
♥ THURSDAY!
I think I got quite a few things to update. But please dont leave me just yet! T_T
THURSDAY MARKS THE END OF MY EXAMS!
Wait for me!! ITS COMING! :D
THURSDAY MARKS THE END OF MY EXAMS!
Wait for me!! ITS COMING! :D
Labels: Everyday ramblings
